“I’m too selfish to be a mom.”
This was just one of many excuses I had in my resistance to become a mom. Of course everyone can blame their self-centered nature, but mine was the worst I was sure. I was so focused on my professional career development, on my achievements and goals. I was fixated on my fitness, on becoming faster, better, stronger. I enjoyed being a social butterfly, keeping a jam-packed calendar, pursuing my agenda. Then I got married, and I suddenly had to factor in a second person into my schedule. It was challenging enough factoring in his wants and needs, surely I couldn’t add a third person. I couldn’t possibly add such a life-altering, all-consuming addition a baby would bring. He would be a tiny tyrant of my attention. He would swallow up my identity, and I never envisioned myself a stay at home mom. I wanted more for my life, and feared motherhood would keep me from that surplus. I felt tied down already to someone who didn’t even exist yet.
Can you relate?
- Maybe you’re very self-motivated and career driven, and want to achieve while you can, while you’re in your prime.
- Maybe you’re already resenting something or someone who’s withholding you from living your dream.
- Maybe you’re afraid to let people who love you into your life, for fear of commitment.
Whatever it may be, the fears are just excuses for loving your life more than other people. We all struggle with this sin nature. Jesus warns his followers in John 12:25 that whoever loves their life will lose it, meaning spending your life in selfish ambition will ultimately amount to nothing, while anyone hating their life will keep it. Hate is a strong word, but another way of looking at it is dying to self, dying to your own wants, way, and will. In this way you will keep your life, that is, you will have eternal life. The Son of God is the perfect example of losing His life for the sake of the whole world. The sinless Son sacrificed His perfect life in order that many (you and me!) may have eternal life in belief on His name. Servitude and sacrifice is the only way to truly live.
But service and sacrifice is so hard!
Never would I have imagined how much I would serve a miniature human being so many hours of the day (and night!). I am constantly ensuring that my baby boy is fed, clean, clothed, hydrated, safe, and somewhat happy. I am perpetually picking up after him, instructing him, protecting him, soothing him, disciplining him, teaching him, loving him, and my source of strength in all of it is out of sheer love for him. He is my flesh and blood, and I would give my life and breath for him. Perhaps this is how the Father felt when He sent His only beloved Son to be a sacrifice for the sins of the world. When I’m exhausted, and bored out of my mind by the mundane tasks and chores and cares of a little one, I’m reminded of the extravagant love the Father lavished on me, that I should be called a child of God! (1 John 3:1). Jesus counted His life worth the cost of saving me so that I can have eternal life. Now I’m to give my life away to my family, to my son, to those I love (and those I don’t), because it is in the sacrifice that I find true living. If I had never left my path of self-seeking glory and surrendered what I wanted, I never would have experienced the explosive love and joy of parenting. My sacrifice was, and is, worth it. Reluctant moms, weary moms, single moms, your sacrifices are worth it.
- Are you willing to lose your life in order to keep it?
- How are you serving others? (family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, church, strangers, the poor, needy, sick, widows, orphans, moms, etc.)